The marriage vow “…to love, honor and obey…”, is not exactly easy for us to obey. Especially when our very loved military/former military spouse comes home with a TBI or PTSD. That threw my starry-eye vision of love/laughter/rainbows and joy into a bit of confusion and martial turmoil. But, you know, knowledge is power and understanding what has happened to change the love-of-my-life can make a big difference in the re-building a marriage.
Here is a link to an article entitled, Marriage Tips for PTSD $ TBI Families, which gives some very good suggestions to help bridge that gap of “what the heck happened to my husband” to “this will take awhile to get it right, but we can make this marriage work!”
I thought this might be some interest for you Veterans who are having a difficult time getting help from the VA. Below is an excerpt from the announcement from the VA about this new program and a link to the article.
“Many Veterans will now have the option to receive non-VA health care rather than waiting for a VA appointment or traveling to a VA facility.
Beginning November 5, 2014, the new Choice Program will begin to cover non-VA care for eligible Veterans enrolled in VA healthcare. Veterans are eligible if any of these situations apply to you…” CLICK HERE TO READ MORE.
It is the silences I remember most. The feeling that even though we could touch each other and loved each other, but we have difficulty really talking to each other. If you, too, are having problems communicating with your loved one, check out this website: http://www.poweroftwomarriage.com/info/how-to-communicate-with-your-spouse/
Now I am not saying that you need to take the course they are obviously selling, but the communication suggestions listed on this webpage are quite good, such as:
“Now, there’s a recording in your head of how your parents and the other grownups in your life interacted. That recording forms the foundation — it’s the default setting — for how you are likely to talk, fight, or withdraw from your spouse as a grown-up. How your spouse’s family talked—or didn’t talk—is the most likely source for your spouse’s default model for communication in marriage as well.
If this makes sense to you, check out the link and be sure to view the videos included on the site. They are fun and informative.
I know first hand how a loved ones personality can change after a TBI. It is like they are different, yet the same. Strangely enough you can see the difference in their eyes as well as their mannerisms. Yet, should someone who has experienced TBI and suffers from depression be given anti-depressants? Should they see a doctor while taking these medication? Should they be receiving counseling as well?
Here is advice about TBI and meds by Dr. Brian Greenwald.